He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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