do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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