I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
