Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
