weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
