She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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