1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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