I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
