I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
