the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
