I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
