why im i the only drunk person in the library?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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