there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
