She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
