I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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