His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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