Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
