drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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