My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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