he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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