I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
