Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
