Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This baby is an asshole
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
