I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
