fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The best revenge is premature balding
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
