She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
