he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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