woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So. Much. Porn.
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