real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
