I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
