marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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