and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize