this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
