Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
