This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
