Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
