I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
