what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
