I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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