i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize