if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize