Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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