I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
