apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
