A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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