Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize