Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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