She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
