There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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