Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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