Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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