i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
