I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
