dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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