Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
