Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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