better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
