the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
