Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
