when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
