I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
