what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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