Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
