I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
