So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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