Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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