Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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