I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
